What Narrative Are You Telling Yourself?
Have you ever been engaged with your team, asking for input on an important project issue, nothing comes back? At that moment, what narrative are you telling yourself? How are you feeling right now as you remember this? Some leaders jump to the assumption “the team did not understand my question”, or “they are just not engaged”. So, you ask the question again in a slightly different way and still you receive no meaningful responses. Your frustration level increases and the dialog in your head races with more variations on the same theme. You had an expectation that your team would provide their input and help you move this project forward. Why is your plan not working, and why is this situation making you more angry? Did you spell out shifts in your agenda? When you planned this interaction, how did you see this playing out with your team?
Hit Pause!
When this happens, Hit pause! Look into the mirror in your mind and truly see who is looking back at you. Is this the same person your team sees? How are you showing up as a whole person in that moment. What opportunity is presenting itself that you can learn from? Taking a moment to notice yourself, your team, and even the energy in the room may highlight a factor you overlooked. Ask yourself, what role are you playing here with your team? Are your team members afraid to answer because of how you reacted last time? Does your question plead “I want your input”, but your body language screams “I just wanted you to feel involved in the decision I already made”. Others are affected by how and what you do as a leader. If you want to be more effective in these situations, start with a deeper look at yourself.
Do You Need To Slam On The Brakes Or Just Slow Down?
Hitting pause only takes a moment and you can do it in most any situation. Sometimes it may feel like you are just slowing down like to read a billboard on the side of the road. There may be other times you feel like you are slamming on the brakes to avoid a collision. When you slam on the brakes, you are reacting to the fight or flight response from your primitive brain to protect yourself. You may need a few more minutes to calm yourself to really hear the narrative the mirror in your mind is telling you. The screeching brakes will happen far less often if you regularly practice just hitting pause. Take time to notice the billboard and the environment surrounding it.
You Have The Privilege To Notice.
So what should you do when you Hit Pause? Listen first to the dialog from the mirror in your mind. The dialog often effortlessly flows as if you are a writer for a TV drama. The type of dialog unfolding may vaguely remind you of a similar situation that you experienced before, your programmed narrative. The magic of the pause button allows you to assess whether your programmed narrative is the correct script for you right now. You have the privilege to notice for yourself. Is one of your default narratives, or an entirely new one, in the best service of yourself and your team. It is your choice to Hit Pause, your choice to be in the moment and choose a different response. The choices you make will influence how your team sees you. Take a moment to Hit Pause and notice, so the best version of yourself shines brightly.
