Why is giving feedback hard?
There do not have to be winners and losers when giving feedback. It is not a zero sum game. Giving feedback creates value for everyone. When I think about common themes leaders face, dealing with difficult conversations is is one of the top 5. What makes certain conversations, like giving constructive feedback difficult for you? Leaders often hesitate to give feedback because they are significantly driven by being liked by their team members. They don’t want to upset the employee.
Don’t Sweep Issues Under the Rug – Create Value .
What is the impact of not providing feedback or watering it down? As noted in this HBR article, ”You’re not doing anyone a favor by avoiding conflict. When problems go unaddressed or are swept under the rug”. First, the behavior or results you need to address will not improve. Moreover, you are doing the employee a disservice by not helping them become more self-aware of the issue. Sweeping an issue under the rug can also strain the leader’s relationship with the team. While the leader thinks they can suppress their feelings towards the employee, the undercurrent of the issue influences their interactions. Moreover if other team members are aware of the issue, they lose respect for the leader not addressing the challenged team member and resent any additional workload they may need to absorb.
So What Is Holding You Back?
I often find the underlying issue with leaders who hesitate to give feedback is anchored in their experience to feedback. Perhaps their prior experiences with feedback did not go well. Maybe they are fearful of engaging in conflict. Understanding how you to relate to feedback to paramount to being effective in engaging others. Additionally, remember that not everyone you engage with has had the same experiences and responds with the same tendencies. Getting comfortable with providing candid feedback in a constructive manner is a critical leadership skill. Because giving feedback creates value for everyone, understanding what may get in the way for you and getting comfortable with feedback is a muscle to develop. This starts by changing your narrative about feedback.
Feedback is a Gift!
All feedback, positive and constructive is a gift. Rarely do people wake up each day wanting to perform poorly. Unfortunately, too many employees go through their career receiving limited, vague feedback. “You did an outstanding job delivering that presentation, and your supporting data really demonstrated you point” has a greater impact then just saying “good job”. Similarly with constructive feedback. Be specific. Employee motivation and engagement actually improve when constructive feedback is specific and delivered well. Give yourself and your team a gift and become more conscious of how you approach feedback. What personal narratives that drive your relationship to feedback no longer serve you? How do you need to reframe your perspective to fully realize the value of feedback as a gift. Like any new conditioning, it takes time to build these leadership muscles. Start now and amplify your effectiveness as a leader.
